Episode 11: Everything Changes

8:48pm - The Apartment

I've got three diferent mail adresses for '¹removed', n' I've been keeping them for these 4, 5years? without any reason, 'cause i didnt use them, but i didnt wanted to delete them. dubai has become a very nice part of my past, of me. (n you and all da people that i knew there,with it.) So many great and so many terrible things have happened since then.

So goes an e-mail I received on 25th December 2005 from, dare I say it, my first love. This wonderful Spanish boy, with hazel eyes and a mop of brown hair he styled to what I liked to call a "Duck Butt". I remember receiving it and that familiar, wonderful little thump in my heart.

Everything changes, they say, but you never really forget your first love.

He was tall and lean and wonderful. Very pretty, in that young sort of way and if I ever met him again, maybe I'd be disappointed because in my mind he's near perfect.

We were only...12 and 14. But he was wonderful and in my mind I loved him.

It was this feeling that sustained me through that awkward phase of 13 through 16 (even though he was gone and far far away); where everything was odd about me from my buck teeth to that excess fat everyone insisted was just baby fat and would magically fall off. But I did have lovely, shiny black hair - which, ironically, is one of the things I find off about me now since I've dyed it brown and miss the black. But anyway. I was, simply put, unattractive. Horribly.

But this boy, this beautiful boy, liked me and that was wonderful. Until he left for Scotland (of all places...hm that country is haunting me you know) and my heart broke.

Or maybe it broke before that when Evil Aunt B told my Mother some awful lie about me and my Spanish boy. But that's another story.

I think, because of him, I didn't really like anyone else properly. I just wanted to have my lovely Spanish boy back.

Not until M have I really loved anyone.

Or maybe that's a lie. I had a brief stint being "in love" with a few people I wish I hadn't. Oh how those crushes can come back to haunt you.

But no, not until M.

My wonderful chocolate boyfriend, M who taught me what real love actually is.

But yeah. Everything changes. Death, Taxes and Everything Changes. That's all we've got for sure.

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Footnotes
1: Removed to protect my identity

Episode 10: The Escalator

August 8th 2008, 11:47pm:
Today, I fell going up an Escalator.

Commercial Break: Memory

According to Craik & Lockhart (Levels of Processing: A Framework for Memory Research in JOURNAL OF VERBAL LEARNING AND VERBAL BEHAVIOR 11, 671-684 (1972)), it is "not possible" to store information within the Sensory Store of our memories due to decay.
In essence, perceptions we accumulate through our senses (except sight perhaps) last only a split milisecond -- it lasts for as long as it is present.

So when I touch you and I kiss you, you won't remember how it feels once we've stopped.
The smell of soap clinging on to your body and the feel of your coarse hair underneath my palm -- will be long forgotten by tomorrow.
The silky smooth planes of your back and rough grains of your palm raking across my skin will not last us a year, a month, a week.

But this thing we have that transcends all senses and breaks down the barriers of even belief leaves me thankful to God, that yes, I can remind you tomorrow. You can remind me today.

And that is enough.